A Cynic I am Becoming

I seriously think that I am becoming a cynical person. Or maybe its just the fact that I'm realizing that a) I don't like very many people, b) I'm starting to care less about what people think about me and c) I'm just getting plain bitchy in my older age. I think 28 is a defining age. You're still in your tewnties but you're fast approaching your thirties and some people (well, me) begin to reevaluate their life, their priorities and the people in their life. And I'm definitely doing the later. 

I am a stay at home mom in a city that doesn't feel like home and I don't know many people outside of Drew's co-workers and the Mommy and Me group I've joined. So a lot of my social time is online. I realize that fact is kind of sad but... whatever. I've always been an independent person and have had a small group of friends everywhere I've lived. And those people I love staying in touch with. But I've never been one who likes to talk much on the phone. I'm up for some FaceTime or a Skype call and my favorite method is texting but I've never been one who likes to talk when I can't see you. So generally I keep track of everyone on Facebook.  

But that's where my problem arises. Facebook started as a college meet and greet of sorts so you could connect with others on campus. Even though Facebook has been away from a campus centered atmosphere for a few years now, you can still sense the foundation. I didn't have a typical college experience and so I have a very small handful of people on my friends list who I went to college with. Which is why my friends list is filled with people who attended Enterprise with me, and in some cases junior high as well. And that's how I built my friends list up. But now that our 10 year high school reunion has come and gone (and no I didn't go for a number of reasons, mainly because traveling with a 3 month old 3 times in 6 weeks wasn't appealing), I have to start asking myself when someone pops up on my news feed: Am I ever going to see this person again? I'm not exctly sure why but a high school classmate seems to be the hardest to remove from my friends list. I've removed people I used to work with, or people that I lived in dorms with, etc. So why is it harder to do the same with another EHS alum? Its a bit baffling. 

I have many people on my friends list that I knew in high school but whom I didn't socialize with on a regular basis outside of class. A nice person but honestly, what are you contributing to my life? And this is something I have to ask myself now. I'm not on Facebook a lot, usually only a couple minutes a few times a day with more time spent in the evening and when I have a few minutes to myself during E's naps. And I'm trying to cut back even from that. But because I only do a couple minutes here, a few minutes there, I want my online social time to count. My news feed is constantly filled by people who I haven't seen since Sober Grad and that I didn't really know that well but I'm slightly curious about how life is going for them so since I'm a nice person I accepted their friend request anyway. But over the last few months I've slowly realized that I'm not a mean person if I deny your request or rremove you from my fiends list. It doesn't mean you aren't an important person, its just that in reality we aren't that important to each other. 

So what brought all this up? Football season. Seriously. I've realized over this last football season that there are some people that are mean spirited, who won't stop inputing their opinion long enough to try to apprecite yours, who will constantly badger you over something trivial like a football game and whose life centers around something that I won't put before my family and friends. Football is supposed to be fun. People like what I've just described make it frustrating and unappealing. Part of what makes football fun is a good rivalry but when people take it too seriously is when I have to take a step back and look at the whole picture. And if someone is like that over football then I know they are going to be like that, and possibly worse, when it comes to many other things. That's what makes me cynical. And that's when I have to reevaluate who I am spending my time on. And since much of my time socializing is on Facebook I need to make some changes.

When it comes down to it, football isn't the root of my needing to adjust my online social life but it oddly helped me to see things in a different perspective. Other things contributed as well. This just pushed me over the edge of what I can and should tolerate and expose myself to. Doing a bit of self monitoring every now and again I think is a good checkup for how you are living your life and to help you make adjustments in your life. I don't want to be a cynic. So the appropriate changes will be made.